How are you doing? It’s been a hot minute since I’ve checked in with you guys, it’s all writing nowadays. Coronavirus has been crazy on my end but we’re still stuck at home lol.
Anyways, on with the post! This was kind of inspired by Jake Peralta’s aversion of therapy in Brooklyn Nine-Nine (GREAT show, totally recommend!).
“I really think you should reevaluate your stance on romantic relationships, Ms. Young. One bad experience shouldn’t shape your entire life.”
I let out an annoyed breath, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. The stupid therapist that my best friend forced me to see was being way too intrusive.
“I told you, I just am not interested in being in a relationship! The end, there’s nothing else.” I told him.
He pushed his glasses up his nose. “Sure, if you say so.”
I hated how passive-aggressive therapists could be.
“I’d like to talk about another issue you wanted to talk about- your status as a ‘workaholic’?” he asked politely. God, I hated him so much, even if it was my friend Olivia who had written down all those things on the email she sent to the therapist’s office.
“Okay, Dan-” I had to quickly check the label on his desk, “Okay, Daniel Peretti, I appreciate it.” I accentuated the ‘appreciate’ so he would be able to tell how appreciative I was of his useless therapy. “But there’s really nothing to talk about, so I think we’re done here.”
Daniel Peretti studied me as I pushed back my chair. “Well, you might want to know that you’ve already paid for a full session. One and a half hours. You’re only an hour through.”
I paused. If there was any way to get me to stay, it was this. I wasn’t about to let a whole half-hour of therapy go to waste, even if I didn’t believe in it. I was only here because of a bet anyways.
Stupid millennial blood, I thought to myself.
I sat back down and fixed him with a glare. “Fine. You want to hear me talk? I’ll talk.”
Peretti looked slightly startled. “Perfect. We can start with your workaholic behavi-”
“I’m a young adult with no siblings I’m in contact with who are in a good place money-wise and I was raised by a single mom with an absentee dad, so it’s not like I’ve ever really understood financial stability in my childhood life. It’s just a habit to work as much as I can to put food on the table like I did in my college years which is when my mom couldn’t pay for my school funds in full. I’m still swamped in school debt and I still need to pay it off and how am I supposed to do that if I don’t work as much as I can? At this rate I still five years left to pay it off, but at least I cut it down from eight.
“And then there’s the fact that my working habits are coping mechanisms for my nonexistent social life, my loneliness, and fear of being hurt like I was with my last boyfriend, Ben-” I paused suddenly.
“Oh damn. Oh damn.” I said to myself. “I do have issues.”
Peretti pointed at me gleefully. “You have issues! I told you!”
I stared at him. “Thanks, man, that totally helped me.”
But Peretti clapped his hands. “No, no, you’re doing great! This is exactly how most therapists skeptics get hooked on their first try.”
I shook my head. “Dude, not helping. You’re making it sound like you can be a therapist addict.”
Peretti nodded thoughtfully. “True, true, not all therapist-goers are addicts. Only the ones with severe psychological issues get addicted! You have a decent fifty-fifty chance of getting hooked, I would say.”
I gaped. “Seriously? And people take therapy from you?”
The therapist glanced at the clock on the wall. “Oh, looks like it’s time for your session to end. You did great today, Loren Young! I hope you try therapy again.” He winked at me and it was anything but chic.
I grabbed my purse and stood up, heading to the door.
“I’ll be trying therapy again,” I muttered while opening the door. “But definitely not with you.”
I hope you like that!
How are you doing? Are you a millennial? Have you ever tried therapy? Did you enjoy this story?